how do you make all the kids happy?
A few years ago, my kids and I made friends with another family. We brought our husbands along occasionally, but it was mostly the women and children getting together on a regular basis. We met the summer our 5th child was born, and she was expecting her 8th child. We would go over to their house once month or so at first, and eventually we’d meet every week to play tennis while the kids played in the park. The kids and we mothers got to be pretty close.
They moved right after our 6th child was born.
Our oldest children in particular felt the sting–they lost their best friends, after all. We have tried to get them together for the 3 years they have been apart. But every time we try to do that, the younger children grumble. Now they’ve taken to saying, “We haven’t seen them since 2007!” The older children have more mobility. They have come to visit on their own, so the little children do have a point.
This Christmas, we planned a trip for the whole family to have a short visit, drop off the older kids for a longer visit, and pick them up on New Year’s Day, again allowing the younger children to get together. But the weather didn’t cooperate. We didn’t want to drive on the icy roads past Lake Michigan, of all things, risking being stranded with a car full of 6 kids.
So we put the big kids on the train. We couldn’t please all the children, and couldn’t bear making them all miserable. What would you do in this situation? How do you make all the kids happy?
11. January 2010 at 9:16 am :
I kind of feel like trying to make everyone happy is a futile thing - you make yourself crazy in the process. It seems we ALWAYS have at least one (and usually the same “one”) complaining that someone got more, has more, had more, will get more…it is so exhausting!
I think that simply explaining the situation to them, and precluding that with, “we know this isn’t what everyone wants, but…,” goes a long way. At least then they understand that you do care about what they want, but that it is simply impossible to satisify everyone. I think it is good practice for life too. We don’t always get what we want, and the earlier our kids learn how to deal with that, the better.
3. February 2010 at 11:18 am :
Hi, I agree with the first comment. We have 8 children and they are wonderful children, but they are also human. There is almost always someone that is not exactly happy over something. I tell them that life is not always fair, and that we are blessed and need to be content with what we have. Our needs are met and that we should be happy for one another. This works at times, and at times they just have to understand that this is the way things are.
28. February 2010 at 12:41 pm :
Diane’s comment just reminded me of a strategy from Adele Faber’s How to Talk So Kids Will Listen & Listen So Kids Will Talk. The idea is to talk about wish fullfillment……”I really really wish I could take you to the park today! That would be so much fun for all of us!” And you can elaborate on what you might do, you get silly, you exaggerate. And the child knows you understand what they’re feeling, and it takes the focus off the anger over not getting what they want. It lets you move on then.
My variation on the “Life is not fair” theme is that I sing them the Rolling Stones song, you can’t always get what you want……but if you try sometimes, you may find, you get what you need! I’m sure one day they will remember how annoying I was with that song, but the point is valid and I do think it’s sinking in as time goes by!