A few years ago, my kids and I made friends with another family. We brought our husbands along occasionally, but it was mostly the women and children getting together on a regular basis. We met the summer our 5th child was born, and she was expecting her 8th child. We would go over to their house once month or so at first, and eventually we’d meet every week to play tennis while the kids played in the park. The kids and we mothers got to be pretty close.
They moved right after our 6th child was born.
Our oldest children in particular felt the sting–they lost their best friends, after all. We have tried to get them together for the 3 years they have been apart. But every time we try to do that, the younger children grumble. Now they’ve taken to saying, “We haven’t seen them since 2007!” The older children have more mobility. They have come to visit on their own, so the little children do have a point.
This Christmas, we planned a trip for the whole family to have a short visit, drop off the older kids for a longer visit, and pick them up on New Year’s Day, again allowing the younger children to get together. But the weather didn’t cooperate. We didn’t want to drive on the icy roads past Lake Michigan, of all things, risking being stranded with a car full of 6 kids.
So we put the big kids on the train. We couldn’t please all the children, and couldn’t bear making them all miserable. What would you do in this situation? How do you make all the kids happy?
Ever get the feeling that an activity didn’t have your multiple children in mind? It’s like a daily experience for me. I have two children in a production of the Nutcracker. We have been so excited for them. They have been rehearsing all fall, and the performances are this weekend.
One daughter got sick yesterday–one day before the all-day rehearsal. But she rebounded, and was fine today. The other daughter got sick today. At the rehearsal.
I thought she looked peaked, but she wouldn’t talk about it. Until, “I feel sick!” I took her to the bathroom and she said she felt better. We left the dressing room area for the stage. When the soldiers came out, I thought it was odd that my daughter wasn’t there. I though she must be with the second group? I was all set to tape the other daughter’s scene when I heard, “Is Imani’s mom here? She’s sick. She’s excused.”
And that was that. Take your sick child home. But. . what about my well child? That I was about to tape? That I wanted to keep an eye on because of yesterday? I don’t think the director knew I had two children in the show.
I talked to another mother about watching my well child, and I took my sick child and her tagalong little brother home. I eventually sent my older daughter to pick up her sister, so I could watch the sick girl. What would i have done differently?
1. Not let the sick girl wear her costume. She puked on her soldier suit backstage. She must have been humiliated.
2. Left her at home? If you have older children, perfect the act of subdivision. Leave one younger, take one younger. If you have a teen driver, use them! I would have had my teen driver come and wait for the well child, or take the sick one home if we had another car.
3. Inform folks you have more than one in the show. I know someone with 3–her 3 oldest in the show. I don’t know what she would have done if one had gotten sick! But maybe she’d gotten babysitters for the day, and she would have made it work. Don’t be ashamed to ask for help–raising a large family is overwhelming at times–most times. It doesn’t make you weak to ask for help; it gives you leverage–makes you more effective. I have a feeling this is just the beginning of the sick season. I better figure out how to manage multiple schedules with sick kids!
(cross posted at team Gray!