I know we’ve talked about this here before–in fact, I’m pretty sure I have posted about this here myself, before…but–
How do you know when you’re done?
If you aren’t leaving your fertility up to God/higher power/nature, what criteria are you using to decide how many children to have?
We’ve used a “wing it and do what feels right” method so far. And now that we’re both in our thirties and have a houseful of kids, it seems like enough. As much as we love having a loud, boisterous brood, we would like to eventually be able to save for retirement and enjoy a little of that selfishness we’ve been putting off. And since we had kids young, we’d like to be relatively young when they’re out of the house, too.
But sometimes I wonder if I can really make the logical side of me–the side that says “Okay, this is enough”–win out.
Our newest baby, Clara, is here. After a wonderful birth and a subsequent rough couple of weeks, we are home from the hospital, settling in, and enjoying the heck out of her. Earlier today, my husband, mid-Clara-snuggle, said “Let’s have another!”
He was joking. Sort of. But the truth is that we love having babies in the house. I know it isn’t like this for every couple, but our relationship is never better than when we have a newborn. I love watching all her brothers falling in love with her just as we are. I love the slowed-down, sleepy pace our family life takes on when there’s an itty-bitty baby in the house.
It’s addictive.
I know we can’t stay in this mode forever–sooner or later, we’re all going to have to come out of the house and get back to normal life, and oh, by the way, this snuggly baby is going to grow up into a wandering toddler and then a feisty two-year-old and later a strong-willed preschooler. We are in it for the long haul, not just the first few weeks; and for the most part, we love all those other phases too. But toddlerhood and preschoolerhood and big-kid-hood seem to last a lot longer than this fleeting tiny baby stage does, and I wonder how I’ll ever be able to make peace with the idea that there will be no more newborns in our house. Looking at her and knowing I’ve only got a few more weeks of this kind of baby-ness left just about breaks my heart…and yet, I have no desire to go through pregnancy and birth and all that again, and all the logical reasons for stopping here still stand. It’s just that logic sometimes sounds weak when considered alongside a milky, warm and sweet little bundle of baby.
Did you experience this kind of intense baby lust? Did it ever go away? And if you’ve decided how many children you’d like to have, how did you arrive at that number?
–Meagan is a mom of five and author of Table for Eight: Raising a Large Family in a Small-Family World. She blogs about her life, her work and her family at www.meaganfrancis.com/blog
Education is always a great investment, and improving your mind (or your child’s!) for free is even better. With the economic outlook plummeting and the cost of tuition on the rise, now is the perfect time to go online to learn!You won’t be able to earn an actual degree for free, but if you’re trying to increase your expertise at the office, wondering whether to switch careers, or just wishing you had taken that film course back when you were in college, there are some truly amazing opportunities out there.
(I’ll admit, my first thought was “I don’t have the time!” But the beauty of learning online is that you can do it at your own pace. And if you have a chance to study something you’ve always wanted to, and to study it for free? Find time. You’re worth the investment.)
If you’re looking for ways to give your kid a boost in the science, vocab, history, or math departments, there are plenty of great online resources to choose from, and you don’t have to be a homeschooling veteran to find them. Here are five of my favorites sites for getting an awesome, and free, online education for adults, plus five more online destinations for educational games that your kids will enjoy.
1.) MIT Open Coursewear. This is quite possibly the biggest education jackpot on the internet — lecture notes, videos, and exams on nearly everything the famed Massachusetts Institute of Technology has to offer, except for the actual diploma. There are close to 2,000 undergraduate and graduate-level courses here, from aeronautics to women’s and gender studies — and it’s all free. No registration is required, because you don’t earn college credits or a degree by taking these courses, but if just want to learn, if you’re homeschooling, or if you have a high-school student at home who isn’t satisfied by what he or she is getting at school, this is an unbelievable site.
2.) Livemocha. This learning community offers free online lessons in 12 foreign languages — Spanish, French, German, Russian, Mandarin, Japanese, Arabic, Icelandic, Hindi, Italian, Portuguese and Korean — as well as the opportunity to practice as much as you want with members who are native speakers. It’s free to join, and you can learn at your own pace. I’m going to brush up on my French so I can finally speak with my cousins properly — and it won’t cost me a cent.
3.) Free-Ed.net. With practical offerings such as carpentry and medical billing, GED basics, and remedial courses on everything from algebra to computer fundamentals, Free-Ed.net is a great place to study if you’re looking to review material you previously learned in school or prep for an exam at work. There’s so much available here that it can be a bit overwhelming; their primers on how to study at Free-Ed and critical reasoning and creative thinking are two good places to start.
4.) The Library of Congress: American Memory. You don’t need to visit Washington, D.C., in order to browse this amazing collection. No formal courses here, per se, but tons of information about, well, everything. Check out the Leonard Bernstein Collection, peruse Thomas Edison’s work, learn more about immigration and American history… it’s a digital record of American innovation.
5.) Annenburg Media. This company provides content to many major distance-learning institutions, but you can watch videos on all sorts of subjects for free. Their series on American Cinema is fantastic, and it’s just the tip of the iceberg, so to speak.
Want more? Wendy Boswell points out that many US college offer coursework online for free (without the degree, of course), and there are plenty of options that aren’t online as well. Check with your local museum for free-admission days, get a library card and set your own course of independent study, or look up your local community college or vocational school to see what extended learning opportunities are available.
Looking for something for someone slightly younger than you? Here are five educational websites for kids:
1.) Exploratorium. The physical Exploratorium is housed inside San Francisco’s Palace of Fine Arts and was founded by Dr. Frank Oppenheimer; the web version sprawls over 18,000 pages and hundreds of scientific subjects. A kid could get (wonderfully) lost without every having to leave her desk.
2.) Zula Patrol. This site seems more game-oriented than educational, but don’t be fooled — there’s some serious learning going on here. The science and astronomy-focused program is geared towards kids from Pre-K to 2nd grade.
3.) PBSkids. Tying in to Public Broadcasting classics like “Sesame Street” and “Arthur” as well as newer educational programs like “Word Girl” and “Super Why,” PBSkids.org offers games that are so much fun, little kids won’t even notice they’re learning.
4.) Funbrain. Kids learn most easily when they’re playing, which is one reason why Funbrain is popular with parents and teachers alike. The teacher’s page directs you to practical things like flash cards and curriculum guides, but parents who are looking to give their children a more casual learning experience can head right on over to the free games section.
5.) Enchanted Learning. Enchanted Learning offers easy-to-digest printables for preschoolers and kindergarteners, as well as plenty of craft ideas tucked in among the lessons. The picture dictionaries are especially cool for budding linguists.
Do you have an online educational resource that you love? Please share it in the comments!
Lylah is a full-time working mom and step mom to five kids who range in age from teenager to toddler. She writes about work-life balance, frugal living, and parenthood at The 36-Hour Day and blogs about writing at Write. Edit. Repeat. When she’s not at the office, glued to the computer, or solving a kid-related crisis, she’s cooking, doing laundry, or, occasionally, asleep. This post origingally appeared at The 36-Hour Day.
I got the idea for this post from one of my new favorite blogs, The Meanest Mom. Thank you to Jana for the inspiration.
Guilty As Charged:
1. If we don’t have to go anywhere, we’re usually in our pajamas, most or all of the day.
2. When I’m trying to get something done that requires intense concentration for my writing business, I use the TV and/or computer as a baby-sitter.
3. I throw away toys that keep getting left out, especially if there are teeny pieces involved, even more especially if I keep stepping on said teeny pieces. Annoying toys often mysteriously “go missing.”
4. My attic harbors bags and bags of my girls’ old clothes, some of which have been ruined by a leaky roof, and all of which need to be pitched.
5. Sometimes I hide in my closet so I can talk on the phone without interruption.
6. I almost never make my bed and neither do my kids. Unless we’re changing the sheets or company is coming.
7. I often eat the kids’ holiday candy, and I feel absolutely no guilt or shame.
8. I hide food that I don’t want to share with my kids and eat it when they’re in bed.
9. When I don’t feel like making supper, I institute “Fend For Yourself” night, which means the kids can eat whatever they want.
10. I put the kids to bed way earlier than normal sometimes, just so I can have a breather.
11. I let Logan mix the Play-Doh together until it becomes an unsightly shade of gray.
12. If the girls’ clothes go through the laundry inside-out, I don’t fix them, I fold them up and leave them that way.
13. I never, ever iron.
14. I say, “Hang on, I’ll be right there,” when I’m in the middle of something, hoping that the kid who called me will forget what he/she wanted.
15. The best way to deal with leftovers that have piled up is to have “Refrigerator Regurgitation” night.
Your turn to share! What are your “dirty little secrets” for coping with the kids?
Sarah is a recently-divorced mom of four awesome kids and a freelance writer. She loves reading and sunsets, but rarely has time to indulge in either. She’s grateful that her former mother-in-law has no computer expertise whatsoever, leaving little danger of her coping methods ever being discovered.
This post originally appeared at Parenting By Trial and Error.
Let’s do Lunch,
*30 million children a year participate in their school’s lunch program.
*83% of kids say that they bring their lunch once a week.
*55% of kids say that they bring their lunches up to 5 times a week.
These are the statistics that I googled, the most up to date numbers that I found in my quick search were from 2004. So I would guess that those percentages are lower now. Meaning I believe that there are more than likely many more kids who buy school lunches exclusively. My intention is not to debate whether or not school lunches are healthy, or that bringing a lunch is in some way better than buying. Though I do have some views on the matter the truth is that if I could justify the expense of my kids eating school lunch everyday, the sheer laziness inside me would go for it! Maybe.
Let me break down the numbers for you in just our house.
4 kids go to school -3 all day 1 half days
3 kids need a snack and a drink everyday
2 kids need lunch at least 4 times a week
1 kid needs lunch when she feels like it
1 husband, who is almost obsessive about not eating out at work, needs lunch 5 times a week.
That adds up to:
15 school snack and drinks per week
13-18 lunches to be packed up per week
These numbers do not include lunch for myself, the baby and the kindergartner. If my kids were to all buy lunch everyday it would cost me $34.00 per week or $136.00 per month. And that is only feeding 3 of them. The rule here is that when you go to Junior High you have the option of eating lunch at school. But she doesn’t always want to do that, she likes to bring her lunch most time, weird right?
To save time in the mornings and the stress of having to come up with lunches everyday here are some of the ideas that we use to get us out the door on time and with lunch. Most of the time Bri and I do this on Sunday nights after the kids are in bed.
1. We purchased Thermoses this year. At least 2-3 lunches per week can go into a thermos.
-soup
-left overs
-pasta salads
2. If I am doing some kind of pasta salad I will make up a big batch on Sunday. Usually spagetti salad or Chicken Noodle salad (yum).
3. For sandwiches we figure out how many approx. we will need for the week, usually around 14. We will then make those, all 14, cut them place them in baggies and label them. Then we stick them in the freezer! Yup, that’s right the freezer. This is great for a number of reasons. First, I think making sandwiches is tedious. Second, when they come out of the freezer it helps to keep your whole lunch cool until it’s time to eat. And they are always thawed out and ready to eat even for my earliest lunch eaters. Third, if you have lunch meat that is good on Sunday but maybe won’t be so good on Friday now it will be. It works, I swear!
4. I will make up little snack bags of oranges already cut up, or grapes or carrots with a little container of dip. Etc. to be sure that my kids are also bringing fruits or veggies.
5. Then I go to the boxed snacks, we rarely by the individuals sizes anymore unless it is granola bars or nutrigrain bars. And I will make up baggies of these that go into a bowl on the counter for easy grab.
I’m sure that it sounds like a lot but between the 2 of us we can usually accomplish everything in 30-40 minutes and it really helps out with the morning rush when so many people are leaving at different times. The 3 school kids know that a lunch should consist of a “main”, a fruit or veggie, something crunchy or a yougart and a drink. Any more than that and it’s not getting eaten.
Snacks can then be grabbed from either the bowl or the stash of ready to go fruits or vegetables and stowed in their snack boxes. Ta-Da done.
Now there are way less mornings when I give up and just reach for my checkbook or wallet. I feel better knowing that we are sending them off with something good for them (mostly). But the best part is the Napkin Notes, those you just can’t put into a school lunch, a quick “I Love You” can really make your kids day.
Jillienne
*cross-posted Imminent-Chaos
One of the wonderful things about larger families is that we tend to be, by nature, frugal to begin with. Many of us already make inexpensive, healthy food from scratch. Many of us already love our enourmous freezer in the basement or garage or some other out-of-the-way corner. Many of us not only are used to but embrace the idea hand-me-downs (and, for those of us whose kids are taller than we are, hand-me-ups).
So, when it comes to money, our kids usually already have a good undertsanding of how things are. But there are times — like now — when things can get even tougher, and you need to be able to talk about it.
Our kids are 15, 13, 10, 4, and 2 years old. We can’t really sit down and have a family discussion about finances — two out of five of them don’t even know what that word means. But in this economy, and when both my husband and I work in print journalism (a field that’s not exactly a. lucrative or b. thriving), it’s imperative that the kids understand that we have to cut our budget back right now, and why.
Throw into the mix the fact that we’re a blended family, and have no idea or control over how money is handled in our biggest kids’ other household, and the discussion can be quite a minefield.
Here is what’s working for us, so far.
1.) Be open and honest. Sharing household budget constraints can make it easier to save money and lets kids feel like they’re helping, Myvesta Foundation president Steve Rhode told Reuters recently. “It’s not a matter of them getting a job to help pay the mortgage,” he explains, “but rather not asking for things all the time, or when you say we can’t afford it, they understand why you’re saying no.”
2.) Keep it brief and optimistic. There are two good reasons to keep the discussion short: Younger kids have tiny attention spans, and older kids have active imaginations. As a family, you need to be frugal, not insecure or fearful, in order to get through tough economic times. Staying positive and upbeat is a good way to go, says Yahoo finance writer Laura Rowley. “Ideally, an optimistic approach will teach kids that while we can’t control everything that happens to us, we can control our attitude about what happens to us,” she says.”
3.) Don’t over-explain. Jamie Woolf, author of Mom in Chief, suggests that parents should answer kids’ questions and respond to their concerns, but not delve into all the details. “For example, you may be worried about your college savings, but your ten-year-old daughter is not likely to lose sleep over it,” she writes on her blog.
4.) Show them how to budget. One great way to do this is by giving your kids an allowance, and then sitting down with them to decide how that money gets spent. You may also want to consider giving older kids a set amount of money for clothes shopping and challenging them to stay within the limit, or having your children do chores to earn “points” that they can spend on the things they want (Handipoints has a great system for this).
5.) Remember that, as a parent, your job is to set limits. Kids crave stability, and you’re not doing them any favors by deciding to splurge “just this once.” If you do, when the next potential splurge comes around, you won’t have a leg to stand on. “You’re not depriving your children” points out Dr. Michelle New at KidsHealth.org, “you’re teaching them important lessons about delaying gratification, earning treats and rewards, and about family finances.”
Lylah is a full-time working mom and step mom to five kids who range in age from teenager to toddler. She writes about work-life balance, frugal living, and parenthood at The 36-Hour Day and blogs about writing at Write. Edit. Repeat. When she’s not at the office, glued to the computer, or solving a kid-related crisis, she’s cooking, doing laundry, or, occasionally, asleep. This post origingally appeared at The 36-Hour Day.
In the comments of Lylah’s great post about when it’s okay to butt in, I shared an anecdote about a time when a man very forcefully butted in to “help” me parent my 3-year-old while I was several feet away, even though my 11-year-old son was sitting right next to him.
This happens more than I would have expected. When I was 11, I was babysitting entire families of children and doing a pretty darn good job. And while I know people like to say times have changed, and I’m not so sure I’d trust an 11-year-old to watch my whole brood while I went out for the night, certainly a reasonably responsible preteen can keep an eye on younger sibs out in the yard, hold a younger child’s hand as we cross a busy parking lot, or walk his five-year-old brother home from the bus stop a block away–right? Or maybe not, since I’ve picked up on subtle and not-so-subtle judgment and surprise for letting my perfectly capable 11-year-old son have any responsibility for his younger brothers.
After hearing so much criticism of the Duggars and other mega-sized families for making older children “raise” youngers, I admit this is something I may be a little defensive about. And I do feel it’s very possible to expect too much of an older siblings, expecting them to do more than their “fair share” of child care. On the other hand, all of my kids are expected to help out in an age-appropriate way (so while my 3 YO currently gets off the hook for the most part, it’ll be a different story in 8 years!), and my oldest child is rewarded with rights, privileges, and even financial paybacks that his younger brothers don’t get. So I don’t buy that it’s “unfair” of me to occasionally expect him to help out by watching a sibling. On the other hand, how much is too much…and how much responsibility is an 11-year-old capable of handling?
What do you think? In addition to babysitting, when it comes to hand-holding, shoe-tying, jacket-zipping, cart-pushing, and the other little tasks that can really add up in a larger family, how much is it okay to ask of the bigger kids…and how much are they actually capable of handling?
–Meagan Francis is busy waiting for her fifth baby (and first girl!) and writing about her life and family at www.meaganfrancis.com/blog.
Hi everyone,
I’m having a giveaway on my blog now through March 25 for a LeapFrog Tag Reading System. It’s easy to enter and there are several ways you can get bonus entries as well. The Tag was named The Best Educational Toy of 2009 by the Toy Industry Association and it looks like a toy I want in my house!
To enter, go to Parenting By Trial and Error.
Good luck!
We’ve all experienced the Mommy Drive-By — unsolicited advice (or assvice, as the case may be) given by people who are positive they can parent your child better than you. But is there ever a time when butting in is the right thing to do?I think so.
ABC News has a segment called “What Would You Do?” and this week’s installment was on a topic most parents couldn’t ignore: Leaving a baby alone in a locked car.
The clip on the website is a little inflammatory, with passers-by confronting the actress who is pretending to be the mom of the baby (a very life-like doll). But what really infuriating is the way people respond — or don’t — to what appears to be a distressed baby trapped in a parked car on a hot day.
What would you do in that situation?
Me, I’d probably try the doors to see if they’re locked, scan the area looking for the parent, and then call the police. I don’t think I could just keep on walking by.
What would you do if you came across a child who seemed to be lost? Would you stop and try to help him? Locate an official or an officer and point the child out to her? Keep walking?
A few months ago, I was visiting a museum with four of our kids in tow. My husband and our oldest daughter were out shopping — it was just me and the rest of our crew. Our youngest, then about 1 1/2, was strapped into his stroller and very pissed off about it. Our 13-year-old daughter and 10-year-old son were paired up, experimenting with a hands-on exhibit in an adjoining room. Our 4-year-old was sitting just a few feet away from me — or so I thought, until I looked over at her and, all of a sudden, she was gone.
My heart stopped.
I called her name. No answer. I looked around — couldn’t see her at all in the suddenly way-too-crowded room. I pushed the stroller closer to where my older kids were, just in case she had wandered over to her siblings. She hadn’t.
Just as I was looking around for someone — anyone — who looked like the worked there, I heard my name being called, loudly and by a strange voice. An adult’s voice. And there was my girl, holding a young woman’s hand. The woman was calling my name, and she looked furious. Like I’d left my child alone on purpose.
My little girl had the presence of mind to look for “another mommy” and ask her to help find me, using my “grown-up name.” Yell “Mama!” in a crowded museum and at least half of the room turns around, but there aren’t very many “Lylah”s out there.
The whole episode lasted, at most, for about three minutes. But it was long enough to see the merit in those baby leashes. And to promise that I’d always, always butt in.
What do you think? When is it OK to butt in?
Lylah is a full-time working mom and step mom to five kids who range in age from teenager to toddler. She writes about work-life balance, frugal living, and parenthood at The 36-Hour Day and blogs about writing at Write. Edit. Repeat. When she’s not at the office, glued to the computer, or solving a kid-related crisis, she’s cooking, doing laundry, or, occasionally, asleep. This post origingally appeared at The 36-Hour Day.
Hi. SuburbanCorrespondent here, coming out of hiding. Tell me, are they gone yet? Can someone check?
Who? Why, al
l those people clicking over from The New York Times, that’s who…those gawkers…all coming over to see the large-family show, as it were…
We just can’t let our hair down with that type around. We have to pretend to be super-organized, super-happy…or we’ll hear, “Well, you shouldn’t have had so many kids!” As if stopping at 2 children means that you won’t have any problems whatsoever…
In truth, the first 2 are the hardest, aren’t they? My husband and I refer to our 2 eldest as the prototypes - one boy, one girl, both in mortal danger of being spoiled by our over-attention to their upbringing. We read books! subscribed to magazines! took courses! It’s a wonder they have made it to almost-adulthood. The Final Four (as we call numbers 3-6) (oh my goodness, the gawkers gasp, she can’t even remember their names!) get to enjoy the benign neglect that we, as more experienced parents, are able to bestow upon them. Because, really, how hard is it to feed, clothe, and drive to dental appointments a bunch of kids? Not very…
What is hard is trying to raise them by the 2-child standard established over the past 30 years by increasingly affluent members of the American m
iddle class. Lessons! Therapy! Sports! Tutoring! The child-rearing bar has been raised to the point where only the most well-off and least reproductive parents can possibly succeed. When did having children become so professionalized and competitive?
Having a family is the natural thing to do. And having a bunch of siblings is a natural way to experience childhood. Now, I know natural is not always best - myself, I have an inordinate fondness for the luxury of indoor plumbing, say, and the ability to buy already-plucked chickens at the supermarket. But for raising human beings? The give-and-take (and take, and take) of a good-sized family is unmatched for teaching people to share, to sacrifice, to accommodate….in short, for teaching people how to grow up.
So stop gawking and join the club! It’s a lot more fun than it looks. Mostly.
Having two teenagers, I usually have the *luxury* of leaving some of the younger children home when I run errands or drop somebody off at an activity. The exception, of course, is when one or both of the big kids have to be somewhere else.
Such was the situation in which I found myself yesterday. My almost 14 year old son had a rehearsal, my 17 year old daughter had a photo shoot, and the three younger children had a birthday party. The baby, of course was along for the ride.
I arranged for my son to be picked up and brought home, but I wanted to see what the photo shoot was about for myself. My daughter is starring in a local production of High School Musical 2, and was scheduled to do publicity photos for the local paper yesterday. I thought I’d just slip in to observe her costume fitting. Inconspicuously. With four small children. Yeah, right.
Don’t get me wrong. I’m proud of my family. But the questions get a little old. Reciting their ages gets old. Running interference between the baby and the 4 year old in public gets old. So do the dumb questions.
But it was a good thing we’d gone inside, or I would have left my daughter WAY too early for the photo shoot. Instead, we all showed up late to the birthday party at Chuck E. Cheese.
The party was for a friend of the family, so I was surprised at the ambush by someone I’d never met before, asking me what it was like to have a 17 year old. .. and a baby? And she babbled on and on about how she sometimes wanted another baby, and her daughters (3) beg for a baby. . . and our friend throwing the party chimed in about how she didn’t want anymore babies, despite regular pleading from her daughters (2). She went on to explain how she is the oldest of four, and she was 17 when her second sister was born, and how she didn’t want to do that.
Ok, so I suddenly feel my confidence going through the floor. I mentioned to her how having the babies at an older age must have kept her mother young? And she answered that yes, it was good for her mother, but. . .
I needed to play with the kids at this point. I took my 4 year old son to lose his tokens in the basketball shooting game. After playing in the play area with my two youngest, and watching my oldest play with and corral her younger siblings, I felt better. I am very happy with my larger than average family. I might even take them on parade again soon.