My husband recently said something about how I seem to have gone beyond “frugal” and well into “bunker mentality” when it comes to money; I countered with the fact that he’s the one running his truck on waste vegetable oil and stoking the wood stove for the night. But the fact of the matter is that while we’re all feeling the economic pinch right now, we’re also reluctant to give up the little (or big) luxuries in life (him: steak; me: bourbon). Here are five of my favorite websites that help me do more with less:
1.) Coupon Cabin. Wondering if you could make a sweet deal even sweeter? A quick search through Couponcabin.com and you could end up with some percentage off your total, or maybe even free shipping, with their coupon codes to websites from Abercrombie to Zappos.
2.) Baby Cheapskate. If you’ve got an infant or toddler at home, you’re going to want to bookmark this site. They offer plenty of online coupons for baby essentials, but also information on cloth diapering resources, formula feeding, and buying carseats — among (many) other things.
3.) Want not. You might know Mir from her great blog about living the freelance life, Cornered Office, here at Work it, Mom!, but my wallet had a crush on her long before, when I first stumbled upon her fab shopping blog, Wantnot.net. She combs the web to find the best bargains out there and delivers the deals with smart, funny commentary — what’s not to love?
4.) Money Saving Mom. If you’re learning how to coupon effectively, roll with the CVS extra bucks, or reap the Walgreens rebate savings, Money Saving Mom has got you covered.
5.) Consumer Savvy Tips. For those of you who are looking to save money over the long haul, rather than a few dollars right now on a particular purchase, check out the archives at Consumer Savvy Tips. From choosing a snowblower to choosing a pet, there’s a wealth of information here that could help you keep a little more wealth in your bank account.
Where do you look for online deals?
Lylah is a full-time working mom and step mom to five kids who range in age from teenager to toddler. She writes about work-life balance, frugal living, and parenthood at The 36-Hour Day and blogs about writing at Write. Edit. Repeat. When she’s not at the office, glued to the computer, or solving a kid-related crisis, she’s cooking, doing laundry, or, occasionally, asleep. This post origingally appeared at The 36-Hour Day.
This post was originally posted on my personal blog.
I prefer to buy organic, so that requires creativity to stay within the budget we have set for food. Staying in budget and buying organic is what motivated me to start buying dried beans and using them instead of canned-it is waayyy cheaper to do it that way. But, convenience is also a necessity. A few years back, I heard a lady mention that she cooks up dried beans until they are half cooked and then freezes them. That motivated me and I began experimenting.
I buy dried beans (obviously), rinse and sort (this removes and dirt and pebbles that may be in with the beans-don’t skip this, a chipped tooth isn’t worth it) and then soak them. I soak mine in the fridge overnight or sometimes for a couple of days-if something comes up and life gets busy. They do just fine. Then, before cooking, I drain them, fill a soup pot with fresh water and put the beans in there.
The amount of beans and water doesn’t matter too much, just make sure that the water covers the beans well and that the pot doesn’t run out of water. Water can be added while cooking, but it is a bit easier to just add plenty of water at the beginning. By now I eyeball it. I also add salt to the beans and water. I used to not add salt, but they are much better tasting with salt. Again, I don’t have an amount. Maybe a teaspoon or so to a pound of dried beans? That is a guess. Play around see what works. Salt can also be added to recipes later if more is needed.
Bring the beans to a boil, once boiling, reduce heat to a simmer and simmer until the beans are soft-this can take a long time. I cook mine until they are all the way done. This makes it easier to use them in salads, on nachos… It is just as easy to soak and cook up two different kinds of beans at the same time, but in different pots. To test for doneness, take a spoon and press bean between the spoon and the side of the pot to see how soft it is. Or eat one and see how it is.
When the beans are done, drain in a colander, rinse with cold water to cool off the beans. Then put into a container. Freezer bags work really well with a fairly thin layer of beans in them. If using a freezer bag, make sure the beans freeze with the beans laid out flat throughout the entire bag and not all clumped together in the bottom. The bags can be stacked in the freezer and don’t take up very much space.
To use, thaw beans on the counter but, make sure they don’t sit out too long at a warmer temperature, beans can cause food poisoning if not handled properly. Or thaw in the fridge or by rinsing with warm water. Sometimes only half a bag of beans are needed, if that is the case, the bag of frozen beans can be banged on the counter to break up the beans. Then just pour out what is needed. Since my beans are all cooked, once thawed, they are all ready for salads, burritos, soup, quesadillas… Bean dip can even be made by running the beans through the blender or food processor and adding spices.
Black beans, pinto beans and red (kidney) beans are the types typically in my freezer. White beans are new for me and they are very good. Beans are inexpensive, delicious and healthy. My kids love them. And when stored in the freezer, they are a convenient food that can be prepared quickly.
When I was talking to the New York Times reporter a couple of weeks ago, we were discussing the differences between the portrayal of large families on TV now as opposed to twenty or thirty years ago. Jon and Kate plus 8, the Duggar family, other TLC shows featuring larger-than-average families in very unusual situations…love ‘em or hate ‘em, they just don’t reflect family life as the vast majority of us know it. People look at the Duggars who are having far more children than most people ever would and whose reasoning puts them firmly in a category many find totally unthinkable, and Jon & Kate who had far more babies at once than most people ever would or could, and get the idea that people have big families only as a medical anomaly or for bizarre reasons (that’s not to say, by the way, that I think having lots of kids for religious reasons is bizarre, but many people definitely do). The fact is that there are very few (perhaps zero) shows featuring larger-than-average families living normal, average family lives most of the audience can relate to (whether or not they have large families themselves).
“Where’s our Cosby show?” I asked the reporter. “Where’s our Eight is Enough?” Heck, even Family Ties, one of my childhood favorites, featured a family of four kids (by the time the youngun came around). If there’s a show out there now like that, I don’t know of it.
But then it occurred to me that it’s not just normal large-family life that’s missing from prime time these days: it’s ANY normal family life. Is there even such a thing as a family sitcom anymore? You remember, the sort you’d gather with your parents and siblings to watch at 8 PM on Thursday, the kind where your mom and dad never had to cringe or cover your eyes/ears and nobody had to clear their throats in embarrassment because the subject matter wasn’t really suited to a mixed audience? Nowadays, there are hardly any sitcoms left anyway, and what there are have been firmly relegated to one audience or the other. You’ve got your preteen/teen shows and your grownup shows. The grownup shows are usually far too mature in content for kids to watch and the preteen/teen shows are an insufferable excuse for entertainment that I’d rather nobody in my family watched, least of all my kids. Then there are the reality shows like American Idol, Dancing With The Stars, and Extreme Makeover: Home Edition that many families have begun tuning into on weekday evenings. That’s fine, if you like reality shows, but I am not a huge fan. I’d much rather have a TV family to get invested in again, to laugh with and watch go through normal family problems and issues with my kids just like my parents and siblings watched with me.
TV networks: I promise you, if you bring back the family sitcom, I will watch. Sure, it may not be as consistently good as the Cosby show (those are big shoes to fill) and it likely won’t feature a big family, but at this point, I’m not picky. Forget Family Ties, I’d even take a Growing Pains. Heck maybe even a Diff’rent Strokes. The point is, I want something relatively wholesome I can watch WITH my kids, where the point is people living their lives rather than losing weight, becoming a star, or winning a bunch of money. I want to laugh with the foibles of a normal, loveable, imperfect but completely (okay, almost completely) believable family again.
Surely I can’t be the only one?
–When Meagan Francis isn’t mourning the loss of the Huxtables and hunting for reruns on Nick at Nite, she’s blogging about life as an author with soon-to-be-five kids on her blog.
I’ve gotten a couple media requests in the last few days from journalists looking to speak to parents from big families. Here they are:
- A reporter for the Phila Inquirer is looking to talk to a parent of 9+ children in the Philadelphia area (including south Jersey). E-mail lkadaba@phillynews.com
- A journalist is looking for a family with 10 or more children that prefers a large family for religious reasons, for a story in Redbook. e-mail lambhoch@aol.com
I’ve been thinking for several days about the single mom of 6 children who recently gave birth to octuplets, bringing her total to 14 children under the age of 8. Since I have ten kids myself, some might think my reaction would be yeah, cool, whatever. But I suspect that my reaction to the news was typical of people with much smaller families.
I was initially amazed at the miracle of the healthy birth of eight babies at once. My ‘wow’ turned to concern when I learned that the mother already had 6 young children. When I learned she was a single mom, I became even more dismayed. My feelings were based on experience. I know first hand that parenting large numbers of children is challenging, even when they are different ages, even when you have a partner.
However, as I have mulled over it, I keep coming back to one conclusion. Whether or not this woman and her doctors were wise, at this stage of the game I see no benefit in going down the judgment road. It seems to me that the focus now should be on support.
These babies are here, and needy. Her other kids also need care. The best thing we can do for these children is to support their momma. Like any mom, she’s going to have moments (years?) where she’s going to wonder how she got herself into this. Having everyone and their dog weighing in on the state of her mental health will benefit neither her nor the children.
These children deserve to have a good life. Most likely this momma is going to need help to make that happen.
Most of us are not in the position to physically help her. But I hope that enough people in her life will step forward and give her the kind of assistance she needs. Not TV cameras and news stories and hyper-analysis, but casseroles and diapers and hands and arms and hearts.
The people not willing or able to offer her these things should just step away and get on with their own lives.
Or pray for her. I personally doubt these babies could have arrived safely without a whole boatload of grace. I hope that the people who have the opportunity to touch the lives of these babies and their mother will show them that grace as well.
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Mary is the mother to ten children, six of whom arrived via adoption. Her kids range in age from 4 to 21. She blogs at Owlhaven.
This past weekend, I rented Bridget Jones’s Diary for my oldest daughter and me to watch. She’d never seen it before, and I was just plain wanting to watch a Colin Firth flick. If you’ve seen the movie, you may recall the part about “making introductions with interesting tidbits.” Well, I have a friend, Michelle, who always introduces me like this, “this is Bonny and she has five kids.” Yep. That’s my interesting tidbit. Five kids. Amusing …. or maddening? I guess it depends on how you look at it.
I could buy into the notion that I’m an oddity and people pity me. Granted, like most (all?) mothers of several children, I’ve received my fair share of horribly rude comments over the years about my sex life, my fertility and my being a glutton for punishment. Now that I’m past the baby stage, however, and I’m older and wiser myself, I’m going to just choose to believe that Michelle and everyone else is just incredibly impressed with my supermom rock star status, and is, in fact, jealous.
So yes, my name is Bonny and I have five kids … and I will be signing autographs later. Thank you.
When I started largerfamilies.com back in 2006, I specifically wanted to create a diverse & welcoming home for people of all different backgrounds and belief systems who just happen to have bigger-than-average families. I didn’t want us to ever write as though we assumed our readers were Christian, married, leaned a certain way politically, or had any specific beliefs.
That said, people make choices for a reason, and it’s my guess that most of our bloggers and readers didn’t wind up with large families by accident (even if the timing and circumstances of each and every pregnancy were not necessarily planned). Just going by a quick scan of blogs written by people with big families, it’s a pretty safe bet that many of our bloggers, readers, and commenters share certain traits. I’m guessing, for example, that many of the people who participate here are politically conservative. It would stand to reason that a lot of us are either pro-life or at least personally uncomfortable with the idea of abortion. We likely have positive experiences with large families, either having grown up happily in them, or watched them wistfully as we grew up in smaller families. We don’t all match every single large-family stereotype, but in nearly every stereotype there is an element of truth.
And that’s okay, right?
But it’s still always been my goal to be a moderate voice in the larger-family world. I want this site to embrace big families without criticizing smaller families. I want people who don’t fit any of the usual stereotypes to feel as comfortable here as those who fit them all. And I also want people who don’t have big families but are just curious about them to feel comfortable and welcome here. So I hope that we are doing a good job in supporting and celebrating big families without sounding critical of smaller families or like we are somehow more virtuous or selfless or happy.
The truth is that everything in life has some tradeoffs. I’m fully willing to admit that there are things my kids will miss out on because there are more of them. There are things they’ll gain that kids in smaller families can’t, too. Sure, I had an “only child” for two years, but that doesn’t really mean I can understand what it’s like to raise an only child to adulthood, or what someone’s possible motives or reasons might be for doing that. Just like they can’t really understand what it’s like to raise my particular children or why I might have made the choices I did. It’s no more selfish for somebody to stop at 2 kids because they’d really like to travel again one day or resume their careers than it is for me to stop at 5 for the same reasons just like it’s no more selfish for me to try to split my time between five than it is for somebody else to lavish all their parental attention on one child. Neither choice is necessarily more responsible, selfless, virtuous or right. We all have different circumstances, we all have different values, we all have different threshholds of patience and tolerance for noise, and we’re all operating on different clocks too.
My feeling is that people who hate on large families mostly do so out of ignorance, poor logic skills (again, with the “I knew a family with six kids who ____ so that means all families with 6 kids are ____”), or as Suburban Correspondent said in the comments below, a scarcity mindset that makes them bitter and fearful toward people who seem to be taking a bigger “piece of the pie”. I also believe that there are some people who secretly want more kids and feel it’s unfair that they don’t or can’t have them while somebody who seems less deserving/wealthy can or does. But while I believe that a relatively small handful of big-family-haters are motivated by selfishness, fear, jealousy or ignorance, I also know that there are many, many more people out there raising their one or two kids (or even having zero kids) who really don’t give a flying fig about how many children I have. Sure, they may be curious, or make flippant comments, and they probably are really glad not to be in my shoes, but when it comes right down to it, they are too busy raising their own families to worry very much about the size of mine. They may be very happy to be have their own smaller-family life, and that’s fine as long as they can recognize that my life is the right one for me. We can all acknowledge that we’re satisfied with the choices we’ve made without having to criticize anyone else’s choices. And I know people get it on all sides of the equation: I hear all the time from people without kids, or people with only children, that they hear near-constant criticism about their family size. It seems like only people with two kids, preferably one boy and one girl, can get away without comments and critics in the US. (heck, maybe even those people take flak for the spacing or the names they’ve picked or some other detail).
So if you’re reading this as a parent of a smaller family, I hope you feel welcome here, and understand that we’re reacting to haters, not everybody in the world who doesn’t have a big family. The way I see it, we all make lots of choices as parents, and all those choices have upsides and downsides. How many kids we have is just one more choice. And I’m totally happy with your choice to have one or two or zero kids…just so long as you don’t knock my soon-to-be-five.
And if you ever want to know what it’s really like to have a bigger family, I invite you to borrow mine for a day. Who knows? It may not be nearly as bad as you are likely secretly thinking 
Meagan Francis is the author of Table for Eight and also blogs about her family, life, and work here.
OK, I admit it.
I read all 73 comments on yesterday’s NY Times article in which Meagan, this blog’s founder, appeared, “And Baby Makes How Many?”
I couldn’t stop myself.
I was curious to see how readers would react to what I thought was a very good story regarding families with four or more children.
Call me naive, innocent, sheltered or whatever, but I was totally shocked by the vitriol displayed in the majority of the comments.
Maybe it’s partly because where I live, large families are fairly common. I’ve had only one person EVER say to me that I’m terrible for having so many kids and she was someone I didn’t know responding to an op-ed I wrote for the newspaper. I had no idea there was so much contempt for big families out there.
There were a few comments scattered throughout by people who either had no problem with, or even advocated, having more than three children, but they were by far the minority. They were also attacked by the other commenters as being unconcerned with the environment, only thinking in the short-term and, most appalling to me, deeply selfish.
The idea that parenting a bunch of kids could be construed as selfish is, to me, laughable. Who has time to be selfish?
I never imagined that this topic would be so volatile. I mean, I’ve had my share of wry comments (”Are they ALL yours?” and “You DO know what causes that, don’t you?”), but I haven’t ever encountered such hostility about large families as I found in these comments.
I do agree with some of what the naysayers complained about, such as people who keep on having kids and count on the government to help them. That really isn’t fair to other taxpayers.
However, to call parents of more than three kids “narcissistic” and “socially irresponsible” is unfair. One commenter railed on about how said parents have some desperate need to “replicate” themselves over and over. Seriously? I have never, ever, not once, thought that it was necessary to replicate myself. Having kids, to me, has nothing to do with my genes; it has to do with sharing the love I have and helping little ones grow into responsible, independent adults. Had I not been able to have my own children, I would have been just as happy to adopt.
I have to wonder if these people who are so against big families believe in using abortion as a form of birth control. To say that it’s irresponsible, selfish and wrong to have “too many” kids implies to me that should there be an unplanned pregnancy, it must be terminated, mainly for the sake of the environment and the risk of overpopulation. What about people, like me, who don’t believe in this sort of birth control? Who believe that every child, planned or unplanned, is a gift?
Many of us didn’t even intend to have this many children. I don’t know about you, but just about everyone I know has at least one child who was a surprise. Birth control is not, by any means, 100% effective.
This is clearly a topic that will never be agreed upon. And as far as the damage large families supposedly do to the earth, I think one of the commenters said it best: “In the end- there are always going to be enough people in rich countries who choose not to have many children to allow for those who want large families to have them and still achieve population stability. . . . In terms of the environment . . . a much larger issue is reducing waste and green tech innovations.”
Amen.
This is an older post copied from my blog Managing the MotherLoad. Although it happened a while ago, it’s a great reminder that not everyone treats moms with many kids like freaks. :-)
One complaint I have with having four small children is the frequency of looks, stares, and unkind comments by strangers. Actually my complaint has nothing to do with my children, but everything to do with feeling like I’m some sort of freak when I’m out in public.
It really seems impossible to be out and about with my children and not have all eyes on us. I know that four is an above average number of children, and when they are all within a 5-year span that can be even more shocking. But…I do not feel that this warrants the unwanted attention and comments I receive.
Whenever any parent ventures out with a small child there is always a little concern about the child misbehaving and causing a scene. When you have many young children this concern is even greater. If any or all of my kids were to act up when we’re dining out I’d expect the stares and maybe even a comment. My complaint, though, has to do with the fact that I’m receiving this treatment even when my kids are very well-behaved (which they usually are when we are out in public, not so much at home, but in public-yes). Knowing that the mere presence of my family walking through store doors will draw a lot of unwanted attention can be stressful.
I know that most large(r) families out there share this same complaint. I’ve also recently read where a woman who has two small children started babysitting two other small children. She noticed a drastic difference in the treatment she received from total strangers when she was out in public with the four children (6 and under). I’m guessing she’s received some of the comments strangers have made to me: “WOW, you have your hands full” (spoken with a “you’re NUTS” attitude), “are they ALL yours” (not spoken with an admiring tone), or my personal favorite “you know you probably could have prevented this!” In many ways I feel like someone with a disability with all of the looks and stares I get, yet I don’t think anyone would walk up to someone in a wheelchair and say “you know you probably could have prevented this!”
So this takes me to my quick trip to Kohls the other day. I’m walking through the store with my youngest in a stroller and the other three walking with me. They are being good and quiet and I’m hoping to get through the store without drawing too much attention. All of a sudden I turn the corner and an elderly woman walking towards me stops as we start to pass by her. (Great I think to myself) “Are they all yours” she asks…(Here we go again)…”Yes” I quickly reply not wanting to encourage a discussion on my reproductive activities. “How old are they? Are any twins?”…(And it continues)…”No, they are 6, 4 1/2, 2 1/2, and 14 months.” She gets a look of shock on her face and lets out a little gasp…(Now here comes the rude comment)…She looks up at me and with the most sincere look says “You are sooo lucky!”…(OMG, did she really say what I think she said!?)…”Uh, thanks! Yes, I am.” She turns to walk away and then quickly turns around and says “And so are their grandmas!”
So thank you kind lady at Kohls! You made my day and reminded me that all of the attention we receive is not always bad.
There has been a lot on the news about the octuplets that were recently born in California. I want to start by saying that I am amazed how far we have come with fertility medicine. Not to mention, the amazing ability we now have to care for TINY newborns.
As the mom of more than the average 2 kids, I can appreciate any person’s desire to have a large family. I am one of those that never thought I would have more than two kids, but somehow found myself surrounded by little munchkins. If all things were perfect I would have a few more. I obviously have no issues with big families. I think you should have as many children as you like….
That is…as many as you can truly support and take care of. The mother of the octuplets said (in what little of the Ann Curry interview I have seen so far) that people are upset because she did this as a single mom. Let me just come right out and say that I do not think THAT is the major issue here. Most people I have talked to have the same issues I do.
She already had six small children that she could not support alone. Before people harpoon me by saying that she has said she never has been on welfare. OK….so she has never been on GOVERNMENT assistance. However, she lives with her parents. She stated that she will get by with help from friends, family and her church. So, because she decided that six children was not enough she willingly took the risk to have multiples and is leaving it up to those around her to “help her out”. We all get help from time to time from friends and family. We get help with babysitting on occasion or a small loan to help us out from a parent. But is it OK to continue to knowingly have children that you can not afford? Is it OK to expect that others will help you out on a continual basis because you chose to do this? Not only that, but to take such a huge risk as to have multiples that could possibly require extensive care that, based on what has been released about this mother, she can not afford?
Here is the one thing I can applaud her for…not turning to selective abortion once she found out she was carrying multiples.
Having 14 kids is a great thing if you can support them and take care of them yourself. But, having them for selfish reasons and then relying on others is not something I can support.
LaShawn also blogs about her family and photgraphy at Frazzled LaShawn